To the Band of Brothers: September 19, 2022

As you already know, for the next three years, we will be celebrating a Eucharistic revival together with the Church in the U.S. The idea is to refocus our attention and religious practice on one of the most essential aspects of our faith. The Holy Eucharist is one of several things that sets us apart as Catholics. It is the ultimate gift Jesus left us before his death, resurrection, and ascension into heaven. The early Church fathers referred to it as “food for the journey.” Like any traveler who nourishes himself in order to have the strength to keep walking, we as Catholics nourish ourselves with the body and blood of Jesus in order to keep walking through life as we make our way toward heaven. 

 

Intimately tied to this greatest of all sacraments is the sacrament of reconciliation. Jesus told his apostles, the first priests, to go into the world and forgive sins. He told Peter, our first pope, and the others he was giving them the power to forgive sins. “Whose sins you forgive,” says Jesus, “are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained” (John 20;23). The connection between these two sacraments is that confession provides us the grace to reconnect with God by recognizing humbly that we are not worthy of such a great gift as the Eucharist. It cleanses us from any possible impediment from truly experiencing the power of Communion. Like any individual who takes time to prepare and groom himself when invited to a meal, we prepare and groom ourselves for the Eucharistic meal with confession. 

 

I was giving some thought to the sacrament of confession yesterday. We oftentimes use the words forgiveness and reconciliation interchangeably as if they were pretty much the same thing. Do you know there’s a difference? It’s important to know it because while they are obviously tied together, they don’t necessarily work the same way. The fact is, it is possible to forgive without reconciling. Let me explain.

 

To forgive means that when someone has offended you in some way, shape, or form, you choose to wipe away that offense and not hold a grudge. The offender has done something that causes you physical, emotional, or spiritual pain and you choose to release him of any obligation to you because of the offense. It’s a beautiful and powerfully healing exercise. Holding grudges is never a good thing. Staying angry with someone is never healthy. I once read that staying angry with someone for a long time is like swallowing poison and expecting the rat to die. It does you no good. Forgiveness allows the healing process to begin.

 

But there is another aspect of forgiveness that is interesting. You see, the person you forgive doesn’t necessarily have to ask you for it. That person may not even know or think he committed any offense. They may not even agree with you or want your forgiveness, but for your own sake, for your own good, you forgive them anyway. You choose to remove the grudge and move on.

 

Here’s an example. When I was in elementary school, I loved going to the Grand Union Supermarket near my house with my mom. Not because I liked shopping for groceries, but because at the entrance of the market, they always had these standup video games. Centipede was my favorite. The control panel was a round white ball that you would move your gun from side to side. A huge, green centipede would slither its way down toward you, and you had to shoot it as it tried to attack you. One day I took a quarter and popped it in the machine. As I started playing, this older kid from my school was there. He pushed me out of the way and started playing my game. I felt so scared and humiliated that I simply walked away. I saw that kid every day at school and held a grudge for a long time. He never thought once about his offense, nor did he ever apologize. I shared the experience with Fr. Healey, our pastor, and I was surprised when he told me that the best thing to do was to forgive him and move on. It worked. Years later, as a priest, I was celebrating Mass at a local parish and while giving out communion, that same kid, now a grown man, came up to me for communion. After Mass, he came to say hello, we hugged, and I never mentioned anything to him.

 

So, how about reconciliation? It is an amazing word. It comes from three Latin words: “re” which means “to go back,” “con” which means “with,” and “cilia” which means “eyelash.” Eyelash? Seriously? Yes! Put the three Latin words together and basically, reconciliation means literally to return to the other with your eyelashes. In other words, someone who has offended you or turned his back on you can now return to you face to face, eyelash to eyelash. An offense or a sin against you causes a break in the relationship, and to reconcile with that person means you can face each other again like friends.

 

This is the beautiful reason we also call the sacrament of confession, the sacrament of reconciliation. We have offended God with our sins, basically turned our backs on Him, and when we ask for His forgiveness, which He always gives, we are able to face God eyelash to eyelash. The sacrament helps us reestablish our relationship with God. In the Gospel of St. Luke, we read the story of Peter’s denial of Jesus. The gospel tells us that when Peter denied Jesus three times, the cock crowed, Jesus looked at Peter and Peter turned his face away from him (22:54-62). It wasn’t until after the resurrection, when Jesus forgave Peter, that he was able to look at Jesus again face to face, eyelash to eyelash. They had reconciled. 

 

But here’s the thing, while you can choose to forgive always, you can’t always reconcile. Reconciliation requires the offender to recognize his offense and the offended to accept the remorse and repentance. It has to be a mutual exercise between two people. While you cannot always reconcile, you can always forgive. Sometimes it may be impossible to reconcile. For example, if a person is continuous offender and does not change his ways, it may be better simply to forgive, but not reestablish the relationship. It can be harmful to be with the person, so you let it go.

 

In the Gospel of St. Matthew, Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” (18:21) Jesus responds, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.” (22) Notice Jesus doesn’t say you need to reconcile with your brother seventy-seven times. That may not be possible and may even be harmful to you if your brother keeps offending you over and over again. But you can always forgive him so as not to hold a harmful grudge.

 

I encourage you as we celebrate these three years of the Eucharist to also celebrate the sacrament of reconciliation. As you know, there are priests available to hear your confession at every Flex Mass and even when you see them in the hallways or in their offices. Take the time and go to confession, reconcile with God, and return to Him eyelash to eyelash.

 

Auspice Maria,

Fr. Willie ‘87