To the Band of Brothers: Spend Time With God

One of the requirements for any couple who is preparing for a Catholic wedding in the Archdiocese of Miami is to fill out a “compatibility questionnaire.” I always have to tell couples not to get too nervous. The intention is not for the Church to say whether you are compatible or not; that’s for the couple to decide, but to see where they may not be on the same page and where they may not be on the same page with the teachings of the Church. It’s a great tool because it gives them an opportunity to discuss these areas before taking the plunge.

One section offers practical suggestions to strengthen the relationship as the “honeymoon” stage begins to wear off. One of them is scheduling frequent “date nights” in which husband and wife spend time alone together. These are especially challenging when the little bundles of joy make their way into the home. The danger is to move the focus of a marriage from each other to the kids. It’s understandable, since children are so high-maintenance, but not at the expense of being first and foremost a couple. 

The way I see it, building up a relationship as beautiful and intimate as marriage is the true force behind a healthy Church and society in general. The most powerful tool God has in His arsenal to defeat evil in the world is marriage and family. It’s no wonder the devil attacks marriage and helps tone down the seriousness of the sacrament. If you look at the world around us, it seems he is doing a great job, but we cannot be fooled. We have to counter it with all our might. Spending time together is important. As a matter of fact, the sign of a good and healthy relationship is to be present, even if you don’t say anything to each other; to feel comfortable and at ease with each other.  

Our relationship with God is very similar. Like marriage, we choose to love God and we choose to work on it. To do that, we have to spend time with Him. We have to schedule frequent “date” nights or mornings with Him, where we sit in His presence. It’s called prayer. Like any other relationship, if we don’t make an effort to create that space and time, the relationship begins to die. We lose touch, we fail to hear Him, to see Him in our lives, even though He is always present. In prayer, it is okay not to hear Him or even say anything, as long as we and He know we are there. Like love, feeling the presence of God is not always possible or even necessary. Why? Because love is not a feeling, it’s a choice. Sure, it is great to feel Him, but it is not always necessary. What is absolutely necessary is to remain faithful to our choice to love God and be there for and with Him. To know He is there, even if we don’t feel Him.

In the Office of Readings this morning, I was moved by a quote from the “Proslogion” by the great St. Anselm of Canterbury (1033-1109 AD). He writes, “Enter into your mind’s inner chamber. Shut out everything but God and whatever helps you to seek Him; and when you have shut the door, look for Him. Speak now to God and say with your whole heart: ‘I seek Your face; Your face, Lord, I desire.’” I know I have been out of the dating game a long time and, obviously, never been married, but it seems to me these words can just as easily be said to your spouse, the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. During this season of Advent, especially, we should spend time with God, sit in His presence, and seek the face of our beloved.

Auspice Maria.